Unsolicited Dating Advice

Often times when coming out of a relationship it’s can be a little difficult to get your awesome dating skills back up to snuff.  It is not uncommon for friends, family, religious leaders, roommates and many times complete strangers to pick up on your hopelessness and offer to set you up on a blind date with “the nicest girl” with the promise that  “you’re going to get along and have so much fun together” because “she’s so sweet and nice!”

BEWARE! Unless you would trust the person setting you up with the safety of your unborn children, or they have several full body photos for you to evaluate, you could be stepping into a very dangerous, very expensive trap. (Right now, 80% of the girls who are reading this are huffing and puffing and thinking I’m the most shallow man to walk the face of the earth. I don’t care. This needs to be said on behalf of single men everywhere.)

Ladies, let’s be honest. You can’t deny that the words “sweet” and “nice” are the words you use to describe your closest of friends* who never, ever seem to get asked out by anyone but the creepy guys… ever.  We know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to smuggle a pity date for your friend right past our instinctive Bad Date Warning System and into our day planner.  And don’t try to cover up that fact by telling us, “She’s really, um… cute,” when we ask if she’s attractive.  We see right through your facade.

As my good friend Missie said, “When friends set you up on blind dates, you get to see what they really think of you.”

Now, before you start hating on me for being a shallow chauvinist who only dates girls for their looks, and hates your friends, stop. Rewind. Now rethink things a little bit.  Why do you really want to set me up with your friend? Is it because you think we’re a good match? Is it because you think we might really be attracted to each other? Or is it just to make your friend feel better by going out with a “nice guy” (which is probably how you described me to her when you came up with this brilliant little blind date idea)?

There is one simple test that I have proven to be effective when attempting to determine whether or not a setup is legitimate.  If the person lining you up is willing to pay for the date on the condition that if the date is successful (you want to take her out again), you will reimburse them, go for it.  This demonstrates sincerity and confidence in the liner-upper, and significantly low risk for those being set up. And that’s a win-win situation if you ask me. If I turn you down after you reject the above proposition for a blind date, don’t be mad. I’m not personally attacking your friend… I promise. I’m merely protecting my own self-interests.

* I wanted to put a disclaimer at the end of this post to make sure that you know that not all blind dates are bad, and not all nice girls are ugly.  I’ve had fun blind dates, and I’ve had not-so-fun blind dates with girls that were perfectly normal… they just lacked  chemistry. So, please don’t take offense and assume that every blind date is a pity date. I know they’re not. (But sometimes they are… and when they are, that’s bad.)

I love the Doghouse Diaries. Click here to see the original.

Doghouse Diaries - Guilt

Apparently, the graphic found below is more accurate than you’d think.

If you’re wondering how she feels about you, maybe you should pay more attention to how she talks to you.

Thanks to HeyAmberRae for finding this and passing it on!

Would they love you, or would they hate you? Why? It’s a worthy question to ponder.

Truth really is funnier than lies. (Click to enlarge.)

I’d love to hear your Deal Breakers! Submit them here.

‘Nuff said.

Have you noticed that the events in life that get the biggest hype are often the ones that provide us with the biggest let down?

For example, there’s often a lot of excitement generated around birthdays and holidays (or movie premiers). We plan out the perfect day in our heads. It includes everything from getting a raise at work (or even better, a day off from work) to meaningful  gifts from close friends and family to a phone call from your favorite celebrity crush. We imagine ourselves slow dancing late into the night in the middle of the living room floor with that special someone wrapped in our arms. The evening ends with that perfect kiss… you know, the one that makes your stomach do the Macarena.

When the day is over, however, you tend to look back with the painful realization that nothing really panned out as you planned it in your head. What was supposed to be so wonderful about this day again?

Your expectations have set you up perfectly for disappointment.

The same principle applies for dating.

I’ve found that the more pumped up I get for a date – especially a date with someone I’m interested in – the more likely I am to come home with a deep sense of disappointment.  This has always bugged me, and I don’t think it’s my fault… or your fault.

Hollywood has ruined romance for us. We see relationships unfold on the big screen with a whirlwind of passion and emotions. In less than an hour and a half there is a serendipitous meeting of boy and girl, a playful courtship, a dramatic breakup followed up with an over-the-top-risk-it-all confession of true and absolute love. The boy pulls the girl in for a kiss. Her foot pops. They live happily ever after… in a freakin’ hour and a half.

For some reason, sometimes we expect the same amount of drama, tension, chemistry and outcome in an hour and a half date. I don’t think we should get rid of expectations. But I DO think we should be realistic about them.

Keep your high standards for the people you date, but stop setting such high expectations for the events you experience with them. Just enjoy yourself. Make each moment count.

I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who can’t correctly pronounce their “R’s” correctly… or maybe I just have a hard time taking this particular guy who can’t pronounce his “R’s” correctly seriously.  Am I wong in this?

Feew fwee to weave yo’ favowite quotes in da comments section… ow make up yo’ own!

Deal Breaker? I’m not certain…

(click image to enlarge)

Submit your deal breakers here.