Unsolicited Dating Advice

I talk with many singles (old and young) that vent to me about not having a significant other in their lives, or why no one asks them out etc.  One of the biggest reasons people can’t commit is because they have “Bigger and Better Syndrome.”

What is BBS?  It’s simple. You meet a girl and sparks fly! (Now, please, if you are a woman, interchange the word “girl” for “guy.” But for the sake of simplicity…I will speak from the guy’s point of view. You understand, right?) Anyway, you start dating and everything is going great. You are out on the town and you see a woman that at that time seems either more attractive/funnier/smarter or some other characteristic that your current girlfriend may not posses as much…or at least you forgot they do because you aren’t readily remembering their qualities because you are with them every day.

The sad and devastating syndrome has begun. You think to yourself. My girl is amazing at a, b and c, but this other person seems to be more amazing at C. I should be able to get someone that is amazing at C like this girl. Little acknowledging that your partner is already amazing at A and B, and the person you are comparing them probably either sucks at A or B, but may only be having and “on” night and possessing exceptional C skills, but on the marrow…might not have them as much. AH! This is a mess already.

You compare what seems to be someone’s best qualities to your girlfriends not as great qualities, and leave them for the search of something bigger or better. The sad note is when or if you find someone else; you will do the same exact thing. This nasty plague will ruin your dating career and leave you an old lonely person sulking in your sorrows while looking to your past wishing you never left your amazing girlfriend.

I am in no way saying you should settle. I mean, I battle with the thought of being too picky myself. What I do urge, however, is that when you are with someone great, and you look at others and wish those qualities in your significant other, you will be unhappy and will never find anyone that you think is “good enough.”  The reality is…you are probably the one that isn’t good enough. Date someone and look for their qualities, build them up! BUT DO NOT COMPARE THEM TO EVERY BREATHING THING THAT PASSES BY. It is not healthy!

If you expect to find the PERFECT person with every amazing characteristic, it won’t happen. You will eventually find someone perfect for you…but they won’t be perfect, and until you realize this and stop comparing…you won’t ever be satisfied. But let me divulge a little secret. When you truly love someone, their faults become bearable if not cute qualities you find enjoyable.

Here is the underlying message. We are all unique. We all posses certain qualities and some faults. It is now your job to find the more important qualities you want in a spouse, and their faults you will be willing to forgive them of.  But don’t find someone amazing and then stupidly whisk them away at their first sign of weakness. For those interested and whom actually made it to this point in the post, I wrote a poem that relates to this. To read it, click here.