I don’t drink, but I do play wingman… a lot. I’m probably better at being the wingman than I am at dating. Practice makes perfect.
Side note: Girls, guys never say, “Hey, let’s go dancing!” The only reason we go dancing is because we know you say, “Hey! Let’s go dancing!” to your friends. It’s a necessary evil that can occasionally provide us the opportunity to stand close to you.
Sometimes I think society assumes that since you’re single, you’re pathetic and desperate. And that, dear readers, is how the blind date got invented.
You know the drill. The moment your parents, roommates, coworkers, religious representatives or distant relatives find out you’re not dating someone, it becomes their personal mission in life to set you up with some socially awkward mouth breather of the opposite gender that has “so much in common with you”… like, um, the fact that they are also single.
For many singles, it’s hard to say no to a blind date because they don’t want to offend, appear shallow or eliminate any potential relationship possibilities. Blind dates are, however, rarely successful, and after a few crappy ones, it’s easy to wonder why you ever said yes.
Dearly beloved single friends, grieve no longer! At last, I have invented a solution to the stresses associated with the infamous blind date.
Never again should you respond to the offer of a blind date with a simple yes or no. It’s time to bust out the conditional phraseology, mo fo! Start refusing to go on a blind date unless the person offering to set you up is willing to pay for the date. If this tactic makes you feel guilty about taking money from a friend or family member, you can always offer to reimburse them if the date is a hit… although I’d discourage it.
The point I’m driving at is that the people setting us up need to have something at stake here!
Think about it, the people who are arranging these all-too-often awkwardly unromantic meetups have nothing to lose. If the date stinks, they haven’t wasted their time, money or patience. They can still be friends with both parties involved. Their life continues uninterrupted, and they are allowed to continue facilitating crappy dates for their lonely friends.
You, on the other hand, end up feeling even more discouraged and lonely as you check your Facebook profile in five minute increments with the hope that some new potential mate has sent you a message or commented on your new status.
This should not be happening. You deserve to be set up with an all-star, and if you ask me, it’s time for our friends to pony up. People start thinking twice about setting you up when they have something riding on the outcome. They don’t want to waste money pairing you with some hygienically challenged ignoramus. If they are willing to fork up the cash for the date, it says that they have thought this through more than once.
Blind dates don’t have to be terrible. Do what you can to make sure they’re not, especially if it means you aren’t paying.
Thanks to the UVU Review for publishing the first edition of this article!
My friend Julia just wrote an amazing song. It’s all about that dating disease that never seems to go away… you know, Just Friends-itis.
Just when you think things are going your way, and you’re breaching the friend gap, you hear the familiar phrase, “We’re just friends…”
It sucks… and the suckiness is perfectly expressed in the following song which you can and should listen to.
It’s especially interesting to me to hear how a girl feels about the just friends issue. It’s interesting to realize that these creatures otherwise known as women have feelings and emotions…, click and have a listen… I promise you’ll enjoy it.
If you like the tune and want to put it up on your site, please leave a comment on this post and link back to Julia’s blog.
“Dating is like the game Yahtzee. You roll the dice and have a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone attractive, a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone funny, a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone smart, a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone hard-working, a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone who really cares, and a 1 in 6 chance of getting someone who loves you back…and then you have a 1 in 46656 chance of getting someone with all of them.”
Thanks to my little bro for finding the best dating quote I’ve ever seen.
I talk with many singles (old and young) that vent to me about not having a significant other in their lives, or why no one asks them out etc. One of the biggest reasons people can’t commit is because they have “Bigger and Better Syndrome.”
What is BBS? It’s simple. You meet a girl and sparks fly! (Now, please, if you are a woman, interchange the word “girl” for “guy.” But for the sake of simplicity…I will speak from the guy’s point of view. You understand, right?) Anyway, you start dating and everything is going great. You are out on the town and you see a woman that at that time seems either more attractive/funnier/smarter or some other characteristic that your current girlfriend may not posses as much…or at least you forgot they do because you aren’t readily remembering their qualities because you are with them every day.
The sad and devastating syndrome has begun. You think to yourself. My girl is amazing at a, b and c, but this other person seems to be more amazing at C. I should be able to get someone that is amazing at C like this girl. Little acknowledging that your partner is already amazing at A and B, and the person you are comparing them probably either sucks at A or B, but may only be having and “on” night and possessing exceptional C skills, but on the marrow…might not have them as much. AH! This is a mess already.
You compare what seems to be someone’s best qualities to your girlfriends not as great qualities, and leave them for the search of something bigger or better. The sad note is when or if you find someone else; you will do the same exact thing. This nasty plague will ruin your dating career and leave you an old lonely person sulking in your sorrows while looking to your past wishing you never left your amazing girlfriend.
I am in no way saying you should settle. I mean, I battle with the thought of being too picky myself. What I do urge, however, is that when you are with someone great, and you look at others and wish those qualities in your significant other, you will be unhappy and will never find anyone that you think is “good enough.” The reality is…you are probably the one that isn’t good enough. Date someone and look for their qualities, build them up! BUT DO NOT COMPARE THEM TO EVERY BREATHING THING THAT PASSES BY. It is not healthy!
If you expect to find the PERFECT person with every amazing characteristic, it won’t happen. You will eventually find someone perfect for you…but they won’t be perfect, and until you realize this and stop comparing…you won’t ever be satisfied. But let me divulge a little secret. When you truly love someone, their faults become bearable if not cute qualities you find enjoyable.
Here is the underlying message. We are all unique. We all posses certain qualities and some faults. It is now your job to find the more important qualities you want in a spouse, and their faults you will be willing to forgive them of. But don’t find someone amazing and then stupidly whisk them away at their first sign of weakness. For those interested and whom actually made it to this point in the post, I wrote a poem that relates to this. To read it, click here.
Often times when coming out of a relationship it’s can be a little difficult to get your awesome dating skills back up to snuff. It is not uncommon for friends, family, religious leaders, roommates and many times complete strangers to pick up on your hopelessness and offer to set you up on a blind date with “the nicest girl” with the promise that “you’re going to get along and have so much fun together” because “she’s so sweet and nice!”
BEWARE! Unless you would trust the person setting you up with the safety of your unborn children, or they have several full body photos for you to evaluate, you could be stepping into a very dangerous, very expensive trap. (Right now, 80% of the girls who are reading this are huffing and puffing and thinking I’m the most shallow man to walk the face of the earth. I don’t care. This needs to be said on behalf of single men everywhere.)
Ladies, let’s be honest. You can’t deny that the words “sweet” and “nice” are the words you use to describe your closest of friends* who never, ever seem to get asked out by anyone but the creepy guys… ever. We know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to smuggle a pity date for your friend right past our instinctive Bad Date Warning System and into our day planner. And don’t try to cover up that fact by telling us, “She’s really, um… cute,” when we ask if she’s attractive. We see right through your facade.
As my good friend Missie said, “When friends set you up on blind dates, you get to see what they really think of you.”
Now, before you start hating on me for being a shallow chauvinist who only dates girls for their looks, and hates your friends, stop. Rewind. Now rethink things a little bit. Why do you really want to set me up with your friend? Is it because you think we’re a good match? Is it because you think we might really be attracted to each other? Or is it just to make your friend feel better by going out with a “nice guy” (which is probably how you described me to her when you came up with this brilliant little blind date idea)?
There is one simple test that I have proven to be effective when attempting to determine whether or not a setup is legitimate. If the person lining you up is willing to pay for the date on the condition that if the date is successful (you want to take her out again), you will reimburse them, go for it. This demonstrates sincerity and confidence in the liner-upper, and significantly low risk for those being set up. And that’s a win-win situation if you ask me. If I turn you down after you reject the above proposition for a blind date, don’t be mad. I’m not personally attacking your friend… I promise. I’m merely protecting my own self-interests.
* I wanted to put a disclaimer at the end of this post to make sure that you know that not all blind dates are bad, and not all nice girls are ugly. I’ve had fun blind dates, and I’ve had not-so-fun blind dates with girls that were perfectly normal… they just lacked chemistry. So, please don’t take offense and assume that every blind date is a pity date. I know they’re not. (But sometimes they are… and when they are, that’s bad.)
Apparently, the graphic found below is more accurate than you’d think.
If you’re wondering how she feels about you, maybe you should pay more attention to how she talks to you.
Thanks to HeyAmberRae for finding this and passing it on!
