Unsolicited Dating Advice

Truth really is funnier than lies. (Click to enlarge.)

I’d love to hear your Deal Breakers! Submit them here.

‘Nuff said.

Have you noticed that the events in life that get the biggest hype are often the ones that provide us with the biggest let down?

For example, there’s often a lot of excitement generated around birthdays and holidays (or movie premiers). We plan out the perfect day in our heads. It includes everything from getting a raise at work (or even better, a day off from work) to meaningful  gifts from close friends and family to a phone call from your favorite celebrity crush. We imagine ourselves slow dancing late into the night in the middle of the living room floor with that special someone wrapped in our arms. The evening ends with that perfect kiss… you know, the one that makes your stomach do the Macarena.

When the day is over, however, you tend to look back with the painful realization that nothing really panned out as you planned it in your head. What was supposed to be so wonderful about this day again?

Your expectations have set you up perfectly for disappointment.

The same principle applies for dating.

I’ve found that the more pumped up I get for a date – especially a date with someone I’m interested in – the more likely I am to come home with a deep sense of disappointment.  This has always bugged me, and I don’t think it’s my fault… or your fault.

Hollywood has ruined romance for us. We see relationships unfold on the big screen with a whirlwind of passion and emotions. In less than an hour and a half there is a serendipitous meeting of boy and girl, a playful courtship, a dramatic breakup followed up with an over-the-top-risk-it-all confession of true and absolute love. The boy pulls the girl in for a kiss. Her foot pops. They live happily ever after… in a freakin’ hour and a half.

For some reason, sometimes we expect the same amount of drama, tension, chemistry and outcome in an hour and a half date. I don’t think we should get rid of expectations. But I DO think we should be realistic about them.

Keep your high standards for the people you date, but stop setting such high expectations for the events you experience with them. Just enjoy yourself. Make each moment count.

Don’t tell anybody, but I have secret to finding love! Yup, you read it right…L.O.V.E! The following are 3 key things I find, that if followed, you’ll find happiness in your life, and improve your odds at finding that special someone!

Ready for this?

1. STOP MOPING AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!
   Yeah, lesson number one is that no one will find a depressed person sulking in their sorrows attractive! They won’t! And the half pint of ice cream or 5 buck hot and ready pizza mixed with a chick flick/war movie won’t help find someone either.  I don’t mean to sound insincere here, we all have hard times, broken hearts and sad days, which is fine, really, it is. Trust me, I have been there before, and I know we all need time to heal, recover and deal with those things. So be sure to give yourself that important time. But once you are ready for a new man/woman in your life…rid yourself from these nasty emotions and unattractive bad habits.
2. DON’T OVER ANALYZE EVERY PERSON YOU MEET!
   You can’t expect to know if every person you go out with is dating or even marriage material. Give it time. Always thinking about finding someone will only hinder the process. Honestly, how many times have you heard someone say they found their true love when they weren’t looking? Also, the best qualities take time to figure out! Which is daunting to think about, I know, especially since you just spent the last few years  of your life with an EX who is already engaged to someone else and you think “I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT ALL OVER AGAIN!?!?” Yet, it needs to be done, and with taking that time you will especially find the amazing quality of being able to love that person wholeheartedly, and if and when they share those same feelings…ahhh…sweet, sweet love! For true love is when you care more for the other person that you do yourself. But before I go on, let me explain my last point.
3. GET OFF YOUR BUTT
   Seriously, get out of your house/condo/apartment, find things you love to do…and do them! Let me explain why this is important. The equation is simple.
   A) You involve yourself in activities that make you happy, which then leads to…
   B) being surrounded by other people that love those activities, and/or, great date ideas to introduce your new love interest too. Which leads us to…
   C) you and your new partner are involved in activities you both love and find enjoyment in, or are able to support each other in. Conversations bloom and your love grows…it will grow so much that it will eventually do exactly what I finished my second point with, that your partners happiness becomes more important to you than your own.

Think about it, it’s simple! If your partners happiness is what brings you the utmost true happiness, and if you dedicate your life to making that other person happy, and your partner feels and does exactly the same, HOW COULD EITHER OF YOU EVER NOT BE HAPPY!? Wrap your mind around that one. But, then again, that might be my hopeless romantic self wishing or hoping that’s how love is…since you know…I am still single. But never mind that, this is still sound advice!

So, get over yourself, be patient and get out there and do the things you love! And before you know it, that special someone will be coming around the mountain soon enough. Trust me!

I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who can’t correctly pronounce their “R’s” correctly… or maybe I just have a hard time taking this particular guy who can’t pronounce his “R’s” correctly seriously.  Am I wong in this?

Feew fwee to weave yo’ favowite quotes in da comments section… ow make up yo’ own!

Deal Breaker? I’m not certain…

(click image to enlarge)

Submit your deal breakers here.

Part of dating is knowing what you want.

All too often, we just take whatever comes along. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be open minded… but if you’re too open minded it’s easy to get exasperated, jaded and completely burned out.

Make a list of things that are important to you in a partner and pursue people with those characteristics. You’ll find a lot more purpose in your dating life, and a lot less desperation. I promise.

Divide your age by 2 and add 7.

You recognize that equation, don’t you? It’s the simple mathematical formula used by men everywhere to justify dating the youngest girls possible without appearing creepy.

Fellas, I have news. There is a top secret reserve of amazing girls who are ambitious, attractive and completely single. All you have to do to gain access to their hearts is to stop using math. (You’ve been wanting to hear that since grade school, admit it!)

It’s time to get rid of this crazy-pants idea that guys can only date girls younger than they are.

No, seriously. This is not a joke.

Sure there will be some women who scoff at the idea of dating a younger man. Those women are stupid. Pay them no heed. The facts speak for themselves, and when you get a hold of talking facts, well, you’d better listen and then do what they say.

Here are the facts:

Older women are more confident

A large grouping of single women were asked to rate their self confidence on a scale from 0-100%. 18-year-old girls who participated in the study rated themselves at an average of 53% confident whereas 39-year-old women rated themselves at 95% confidence. It’s fairly obvious that the older the woman, the more confident she is.

What does this mean?

It means that by not dating girls who were born in the early 90′s, you are less likely to deal with the incredibly high relationship drama caused by lack of maturity, confidence and life experience.  Younger girls tend to date for status or for comfort or protection. You can rest assured that if an older woman likes you, it’s because she likes you… that’s it. It’s that simple. No gimmicks

Older women are independent

Most older women have experience. They have done the college thing and the work thing. They are more likely to be financially stable and intelligent. They’re not dating you for your vast expanses of wealth and knowledge. They have plenty of their own, thankyouverymuch.

Rather than dating a leach who attempts to live off of anything you have to offer without having much to give in return, why not go for someone who has just as much to give to the relationship as you do?

Remember, it’s way better to date an equal than it is to date a fan.

It just makes sense biologically

Think about it. Men reach their sexual prime in their late teens or early twenties. Women, on the other hand, reach theirs at their late 20′s to early 30′s… sometimes later.

If sex is something you’re interested in, it’s more likely that neither of you will be bored with the idea if she’s a bit older than you. I’m not saying you need to go Cougar hunting, but a woman with some experience under her belt is never a bad thing… right?

Older women are sexy

It’s true. If you don’t believe me… just look. They’ll prove it to you.

Don’t discount someone based on the time their parents decided to conceive…

Check out the rest of this in depth study done by OkCupid. It’s pretty much amazing and may open your eyes to a whole new world of amazing dating possibilities.

Remember, age is just a number.

Role Reversals

Ladies, you have done everything right! You said yes to us taking you out! You agreed to our lame plans and took plenty of time to get ready for our date (I think…or else, you just always look that amazing). So far so good. A quaint hello hug/handshake at the door and we are on our way!

Now, before I go on… know this, I speak on behalf of all the guys that at least try to treat a woman with respect and act like gentlemen on dates. If you are out with a man that doesn’t do this, leave them now and refer them to this site for some help! But the rest of us are actually trying and want to impress you. We are putting on our best selves and in most cases, pretty nervous.

Commence the small talk.

“You look nice this evening.”

“What are you studying at school?”

“Where are you from?”

And so on…

And then we get to the car, open your door and let you in!

We start walking around to the driver side with happy thoughts and thinking how good you look!

Then it turns for the worse. We turn the corner and BAM! The driver’s side door is swinging open!

…

…

…

What the heck was that!?

Did that just happen? Did my date literally and awkwardly stretch her body across both seats and push my door open? Not to mention the door has most likely swung back shut as I compose my awestruck self.

Yes, Mike, yes she did. This might take some time to recover from. I think to myself “just say thanks and get in and hopefully that wont ever happen again!”

WRONG! We leave dinner and the occurrence happens again!

Ok, intervention time…yes, ladies, that was sweet of you. You made an effort to be cute and open our door from the inside…and thanks! But my advice is simple.

DON’T!!!

We don’t need two gentlemen on this date.

We asked you out because you are cute, smart, funny and many other reasons…but chivalry was not one of them. I wouldn’t go so far as saying its super annoying or a deal breaker, but it is awkward…NO WHERE close to a brownie point! However, you may receive a “sweet spirit/personality” point for that kindly gesture.

So, this one is actually quite simple for us to solve.  Get in the car and wait for us to get in…then use your charm and sweet self and treat us with a good conversation and fun time. There are many NORMAL ways to show us how amazing you are, and with time we will hopefully get to find those out. But please, don’t be a gentlewoman, be a gentle woman! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Much Love!

Mike Hanks is a resident stud and all around nice guy. He’s single, and he doesn’t want you to open his door. You can follow him on the Twitters here. Watch for more of Mike’s posts in the future here on UDA, the home of all the dating advice you never asked for.

Sometimes I wonder, where were the mothers of the lessons of social awareness were supposed to be taught? How does this happen?

Once again, leave 3 of the deal breakers you saw in this video in the comment section.